I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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