maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
