I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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