just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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