is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
