Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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