It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
