WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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