And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
