the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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