End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
