Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
