Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
