I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
