i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize