i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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