I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
