let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
