He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was like eating out sand paper
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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