Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
