i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
