What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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