I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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