dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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