I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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