Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
