He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Of course I have a pirate flag
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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