I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
