Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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