Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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