do herpes really smell.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
