my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
