I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
