He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
