seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
