peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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