Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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