idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
