it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
