Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
