dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
