I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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