he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
