I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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