She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
