i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
