As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
