I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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