don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
