The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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