Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
