11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
