I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
