id be glad to
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
