Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize