Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
