the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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