Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
