I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
