we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
