I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
