remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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