Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
