Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
